my life.

I realised that I am very stingy when it comes to shedding tears. I have learnt and tolerated too many things to cry about them. The recent one was my breakup. Tears of regret? I don't know. Might be. But well, I think that what matters is, the tears which are from the heart.. why do i say so? I learnt alot in my years. My eyes get red but no tears get shed. usually i would go to the toilet to calm myself down, wash up and all, but yeah, nothing comes out from my the tear ducts…

Same as when i see people get hurt… What do I do? I listen to people.. but who listens to me when i need to pour my feelings? I am at a loss. Damn. Things that are so near, yet so far. I could grasp it within reach, but would it allow me to grasp onto it? or would it just, fly by and it gets forgotten through the years…?

I wonder. Missing someone is miserable. I don't want to have these kind of feeling… My true self? I don't know. Facades I have worn has counted too many to describe. Online, I don't even know what is myself. I miss her…? Guess so. Argh…

Pretence.. or real? feelings towards her are like… i don't know… i feel like stabbing myself… neutral comments, is there such terms and opinions regarding relationships? how to keep biases off? Is there a possibility that i won't be subjective? if not, i don't know… meh.

oh well, had some fun playing rbo.. currently "waiting" for hp to fill up before giving a shot at moonlight again… naps during thunderstorms are good =x… only woke up just now lol.. laters =)