I’m sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I’m sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I’m sorry
That my body’s not ripped enough
to “satisfy” your wants

I’m sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I’m sorry
That I’m not cute enough
to be “your guy”

I’m sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I’m sorry
I don’t have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I’m sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I’m sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I’m sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I’m sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn’t get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I’m sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I’m sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I’m sorry
If I don’t answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I’m sorry
that you can’t realize.. I’ve been the one all along.

I’m sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don’t care

But most of all

I’m sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I’m sorry
That you can’t accept me for who I am

I’m sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I’m sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for…

I’m sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I’m sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I’m Sorry
That I cared

I’m sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

looks like it’s kinda sad, because i’m blogging again.

even though i would seem to be nonchalant, actually i bother.
even though i would seem to be happy, actually deep down, i am not.

times like this i feel like breaking down,
who should i look for now?

.loong

but i still miss one thing, you. (:

i feel like walking back,
so i can correct so many things that i would not have done.

yet, all these would just amount in running away from reality,
trying to escape what that lies before me.

thus i guess, as much as i look back so many times,
it’s time, to look forward, because the future holds,
so much more, that i want to experience.

sadly, i wish to be able to push on,
without forgetting anyone that has helped me,
very hard, but i hope so, cause there are just so many people,
that helped me and pulled me back up from where i was.

Yet, the perception is left because of the footprints they left behind,
not what their heart did.

In essence, one could have been a nice guy,
helping everyone who needed help,
trying to solve everyone’s problems,
yet in the end, his heart is plain black,
helping everyone so he could garner favours in the future,
solving problems so he will be remembered,
or just boosting his self ego.

it’s so scary, cause friends may just,
within a blink of an eye, become distant.

and such i can see, during army,
as much as ‘hey you are my buddy man’,
so much you have repeated and said so many times in camp or out of camp during the years of service,
once you are out, so where are all these buddies that you have made?

naturally, it takes effort and time to actually get back with people during our lives when we were wearing green, however, time doesn’t just stop, instead,
it just goes on and on, the time where you actually get to hang out with everyone, is really, so limited.

times in life, it’s kinda in bits and pieces,
yet i only recall this little only when i think about it,
i guess i kind of neglected a lot of people,
neglected a lot of things, by spreading my sights too narrowly.

of course, certain milestones in life have past,
yet i didn’t properly thank people in my life and helped me through so much,
if any of those are actually reading this, thank you all,
and my apologies to not being able to sufficiently get to know everyone better.

i miss the days back then,
when life was still quite very relaxed,
now that many more things are picking up,
i guess this is time to really cherish every moment spent with everyone,
because i probably will not have much of time to actually hang out anymore.

thank you all, for being here, with sincere or not nevertheless,
when things went well, you were here to celebrate,
when things were met with hiccups, you were here to solve with me,
when things went wrong, you were here to help make things right.

to the many loved ones, buddies, close friends and acquaintances in life i had,
no matter how long or short we have known for with each other,
a mark has been left in me, whether good or bad, memorable or not,
thank you all (:

.loong