yet i kind of wonder, why do my friends know more than what people close around me should know first hand? Probably it was my fault, not trying to be what i should in so much of my early years. i kind of regret, but i guess it’s too late to fix it.

i’m tired of trying to build a sand castle, instead of helping with pouring sea water to help moulding,
you decide to send the waves.

and thus the erosion will begin.
cause i learnt, felt, decided.
soon i won’t be there anymore.
naturally, i would have decided that i shouldn’t,
but i guess it is needed.

many times i thought it would be okay, but i guess it wouldn’t.
many times i believed that it shouldn’t be that way, i changed a lot in my perspectives and priorities.
many times i was over the line, you just snap away without hesitation and thought on why some things happen.
many times you did something that pissed me off so bad, i kind of looked over it.
many times thinking back, my friends know much more than you, cause you simply were unapproachable.
many times i think you should know first, guess i was so wrong anyway.

with so many of many times, i’m really tired, i bet you are as well, so, let’s just start it with erosion.
i guess, erosion begins.

.loong

and well, this half year pretty nice i guess, met new people, get to know more people. understand people, and understand myself a lot better. Okay. Thanks for all who were with me when I was down ^^, at least I don’t go all emo already, things that I know, I have overlooked, and a lot of things I realised much later, it all doesn’t matter anymore. thanks to all of you guys yeah.

listening to: ??? – ???

signing off, i guess, till the next time i blog again… heh.
looooooooooooooooooooong

Happiness, something that keeps one going

Recollections, something that keeps one updated of the past and move on

Realization, something that allows one to know of more events, although less than usually neutral

Love, something that allows one to go crazy over a certain person/people

Time, something that allows you to do all of the above, or let all of the above happen

Hey xuan, happy belated birthday, if you happen to read this lol!

Remembered meeting out  with my primary school peeps, wow, though a brief dinner and ktv with a few of us, hope the next meeting comes soon man! Since p6, I guess we’ve known each other for about.. say.. 7 years? Well, I wonder when we’ll meet again, by then I guess most of us already have jobs, those from poly probably already ORD-ed from NS, and probably if it’s like 5-6 years down instead, the girls could probably even be married haha..

Oh, and driving test is drawing near! 29 may, will I pass it? Really don’t wanna fail it. can’t wait to really drive a car out, and next few CNYs if family going to genting again, heh! probably could alternate drive with my dad~
Blah, I’ll fill this up next time today if I still can’t sleep.

oh. chalet. something i must definitely type about lol. the past few days i was at a chalet, and well, it’s with the apostles community, more and more of us are attending chalets i guess, even one of us from Shanghai came here, and another one from KL, heh. sounds fun eh… most of the time we are slacking around, but drinking games are really the best games i guess, first night with WATER, then second night with alcohol, while third night is new year, so yeah, just beer. i think that’s my first hangover heh. feel really lousy on the day after that, luckily its time to go…

chalet… oh well, there’s my ex and her “new” boyfriend, not knowing how long she’s with him though, probably a month or so i guess, looking at the boyfriend being pulled around for a brief moment, i somehow kind of looked at myself then, but now with a different PoV, memories? doubt will ever be dug up again, keeping her 2 bottles worth of her “love” then really sounds meaningless, however still in my room, just kept in a drawer.. there’s still her err .. something bozu.. that keeps off the rain, no matter how much my dad destroyed it it’s still there. what i truely hope for her, would be that she will be more patient and less snappy, and stop throwing tantrums… i don’t know, feeling concerned and all, but no longer harboring any feelings. just concerned like for a friend? obviously i still kept the broken necklace she broke, i remembered my heart cried that night and it went more or less dead, towards her… that’s why i feel very upset, have i hurt her? to destroy something worth of such a value… but well, too bad then, whatever’s over is over. i promised myself to forget about her and move on, i can’t believe i actually did lol.. i think?

next i realised that i like hugs :/, after reading lots of blogs.. hugs are like.. warmth… i miss them… alot heh.. sigh.. aircon blowing hard >.>; 25 deg and i can’t be bothered to actually switch it down…

- weiloong

081001 (just some notes i’m jotting down)

Regarding ramblings, i guess i have nothing much to grumble and ramble about, since there’s nothing much i really looked forward to in this whole year, other than moving on, and trying to forget some times that has passed. It may seem to come back again, but well, what’s over is over, and i’ll not step backwards, unless there’s an absolute necessary.

About “Her”, i don’t know how many hers’ am i looking at, or talking about. I realised that i have moved on, but more like crushing on another, and another… what am i thinking :/, but guess ’07 will be a new start, so yeah. oh, looks like a previous of the “her” found another mate, hope the mate will treausure her more than what i did, and that she has a little more tolerance probably…

thoughts and personal spaces! ok. nothing

WoW. err. with the insane amount of lag i can’t do anything, so ya. screw it. i paid for the dumb wow subscription and forget to cancel it. starhub jiayou >_>;

Okay, a note, most of my songs on the playlist is chinese pop, so yeah, enjoy as you read it.. lolz
How are you feeling today?
I.O.I.O . by S.H.E

want someone to love me? hmm.. think so. hahs, who doesn’t =)

Will you get far in life?
????? by ???

munch. yummy? errr… chocolate.. happiness, short lived… eh? bitter taste goes on forever.. >_>

How do your friends see you?
????? by ???

err.. as in im the rice or the mouse. lol

Will you get married?
?????? by S.H.E

i’m not so easy going in these kind of matters, i guess… but its cool man! if one is happy, go ahead! omg?

What is your best friend’s theme song?
Sakurairo no Kisetsu by yozuca*

really? i’ll call her later to ask her.. hahas…

What is the story of your life?
???? by F.I.R

WTF? thousand years of love? contradiction >_>;

What was high school like?
Revolution by F.I.R

hmm.. guess it really changed me.. haha.. without the bunch of peeps i know, i won’t be myself today.

How can you get ahead in life?
?????? by ???

err.. huh?

What is the best thing about your friends?
Nothing Ever Changes by S.H.E

lol… sometimes how i wish they change, and yet, for some i feel that they shouldn’t have changed… at all

What is in store for this weekend?
Watch me shine by S.H.E

Am I even going out on this weekend?

What song describes you?
??? by ???

really? no lah XD!! doh. i i were, i won’t need to be so vexed.

To describe your grandparents?
???? by Xiao S and ???

lol?

How is your life going?
?? by ???

pretending? oh. pretending to be studying but playing WoW?

What song will they play at your funeral?
DOUBLE by BOA(??)

hype sia. but why DOUBLE?

How does the world see you?
??? by S.H.E

marksman..eh?

Will you have a happy life?
?? by ???

sky.. varies. my life, varies.. then

What do your friends really think of you?
?? by ???

when i.. what?

Do people secretly lust after you?
???? by F.I.R

omg. lust and no love?.. no wonder a thousand years of “love”

How can I make myself happy?
???? by S.H.E

tropical forest. huh?

What should you do with your life?
?? by F.I.R

wow. be one of those… no wonder my life’s happiness is shortlived.

Will you ever have children?
Love Love Love by F.I.R

what does that mean man. heh

Okay… that’s all >_>;;

well, i feel that thanks to WoW being down for me being able to think properly and be more aware to my surroundings. i think being good to girls are unfair to myself, friends too… but i mean, it’s natural mah.. lol.. so stop saying that im “preying on vulnerable innocent young girls”… please lor.. i got a life okay! muahahaha….

dang.. im being crappy… must be the lack of sleep…

Zz

———————-

sometimes i just can’t understand girls anymore, or i lost my touch again… lol… too long a period without a target makes me degrade into a piece of wood again? where’s the magic… i want to savour that bit of magical water that will bring me to life again, to become a tree that shelters you…

come to think of it, who’s the you =/..

Being a no life bastard in the years during secondary school years.. made me almost friendless lol… ya there are quite a bunchful, but yah… i feel damn sad… at least now… i think i live a much fuller life. i come to think that it’s actually up to me on how i want to live everyday, not others who dictate my life…

i broke down on the part where i was reading cassandra’s blog, for those who know, ya ya azu, oh well… i don’t know… maybe the words on the blog just shot the jackpot straight for several times. feeling sad was like, it just comes naturally… i remembered a lot of things…

times with my ex, the laughter we shared, makes up part of the tears that are flowing, and my dumbest and worst times of my life, made me come back to reality… i don’t know, i feel very pressured if i were to be put into a relationship now… things that i don’t hope to happen… don’t want to happen, don’t wish to happen… i lost my initiative touch to myself… i am a person like, waiting for things to happen… no longer the part where, hey i should be looking forward to tomorrow or something, or plan what to do etc.

i don’t know… i feel that blogging won’t help much, but yeah, i will feel that little better without any significance. I am hurt. really hurt. tears that are flowing freely is not the kind that you sob, it just doesnt want to come out but yet comes out in the end…

Have i really put everything down and looked forward… i don’t feel myself again… who am i? of all the times i have spent online, i don’t even know who i think i really am. i have tons of facades online, and all contains little bits of me, but never totally. i don’t even understand myself anymore. what do i want?

oh fucked up life of mine. i miss the days where i was still with my ex, just think about her, as a hobby and everything works. for now, it doesn’t. hahaha…. i think i gonna doodle soon… just to pass this stupid phase of life i am going through. i want something to be suppressed and never to surface again. the manipulative side of me. i don’t want it to dominate me, neither do i want it to be abused to hurt another person’s feelings. so fuck off, this side of me.

Oh well.. i think i gonna start password protect certain posts that i am going to publish.. probably.. yah.. i’ll see how it goes…

—————————–

things happen from a cause. one will soul what one reaped. feeling hurt isn’t a choice to stay down here to do nothing, i need to repick all those shards of shattered glass and walk on… bleeding. hoping it will stop… hoping…
when i was with you, you are the colour of my life, everything else is black and white. when we broke, i saw everything coloured. now it dulled to black and white again… hoping that, another person, is coloured…

memories are worse than double edged swords. the pain you feel is tons more than the times the events actually happened, yet joy and fun are just part and parcel of the whole package, like little paragraphs… as compared to those chapters of sadness and boredom.

———————————-

where are you when i need you?