my life.

oh well, i thought about it for a few hours and realised, should i even start chasing her? or should i stop thinking about her and focus on my school, in which should be like much more important i guess, however so, fact is, i still think of her… probably i should just give up totally…

oh. chalet. something i must definitely type about lol. the past few days i was at a chalet, and well, it’s with the apostles community, more and more of us are attending chalets i guess, even one of us from Shanghai came here, and another one from KL, heh. sounds fun eh… most of the time we are slacking around, but drinking games are really the best games i guess, first night with WATER, then second night with alcohol, while third night is new year, so yeah, just beer. i think that’s my first hangover heh. feel really lousy on the day after that, luckily its time to go…

chalet… oh well, there’s my ex and her “new” boyfriend, not knowing how long she’s with him though, probably a month or so i guess, looking at the boyfriend being pulled around for a brief moment, i somehow kind of looked at myself then, but now with a different PoV, memories? doubt will ever be dug up again, keeping her 2 bottles worth of her “love” then really sounds meaningless, however still in my room, just kept in a drawer.. there’s still her err .. something bozu.. that keeps off the rain, no matter how much my dad destroyed it it’s still there. what i truely hope for her, would be that she will be more patient and less snappy, and stop throwing tantrums… i don’t know, feeling concerned and all, but no longer harboring any feelings. just concerned like for a friend? obviously i still kept the broken necklace she broke, i remembered my heart cried that night and it went more or less dead, towards her… that’s why i feel very upset, have i hurt her? to destroy something worth of such a value… but well, too bad then, whatever’s over is over. i promised myself to forget about her and move on, i can’t believe i actually did lol.. i think?

next i realised that i like hugs :/, after reading lots of blogs.. hugs are like.. warmth… i miss them… alot heh.. sigh.. aircon blowing hard >.>; 25 deg and i can’t be bothered to actually switch it down…

- weiloong

081001 (just some notes i’m jotting down)

I realised that I am very stingy when it comes to shedding tears. I have learnt and tolerated too many things to cry about them. The recent one was my breakup. Tears of regret? I don't know. Might be. But well, I think that what matters is, the tears which are from the heart.. why do i say so? I learnt alot in my years. My eyes get red but no tears get shed. usually i would go to the toilet to calm myself down, wash up and all, but yeah, nothing comes out from my the tear ducts…

Same as when i see people get hurt… What do I do? I listen to people.. but who listens to me when i need to pour my feelings? I am at a loss. Damn. Things that are so near, yet so far. I could grasp it within reach, but would it allow me to grasp onto it? or would it just, fly by and it gets forgotten through the years…?

I wonder. Missing someone is miserable. I don't want to have these kind of feeling… My true self? I don't know. Facades I have worn has counted too many to describe. Online, I don't even know what is myself. I miss her…? Guess so. Argh…

I think i like her. I don't know… for some time, she's been on my mind. though its not a long time… talking to her almost clicks immediately… oh well… =/… I don't wanna hurt her… if I actually find out that it's just infatuation… blah… I'll keep you guys posted